instant pleasure
Das Sofortvergnügen
performers come on, all have a phone in their hand, scrolling—but not with their hand with a plaster or bread hand so with each scroll the finger disintegrates.

SQ 1 - Once under the lights
travis goes to SL mic
cosi at SR mic
when i got the thing that makes *the noise* it made the thing i was doing so much more fun. when it makes a sound, i love it more. i love the sound, the love, the relationship. all we feel is love when we are alive but we think it is something else and get sad about it. but it's all love, everything we feel in what we do and who we meet and the plants we see the plans we make. it's orbs and radiations of love and light and bright and yet here i am in this dark room with nothing to do but think about the impossibility of the synchronizing of our hearts because our hearts are individual and they can't speak. we speak.

well well well
if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions?

consequences! consequences! consequences! a consequence...I don’t know…? we don’t ALWAYS know the consequences of our actions
everything I’ve done, I’ve done it for the reward!
and the more instantaneous the better

think….before you act. i’ve been told

there's only one currency in the world that matters and that's trouble. for one can have all the capital in the world but for whatever you need, there's always trouble.
SQ 2 - After ☝🏼 line
brings on water bottles, simultaneous full drink of large water bottle, and then drool.
that's amore!
after each of the following is said, and the other responds...
but not on the ones with an asterisk, those said are simultaneously and with no "that's amore"
T: - you know that feeling when your estimate is exactly correct
- that feeling of a cool breeze on a hot summer day
- a surprise discount, applied at checkout
- finding a new way to crack your knuckles or your elbow or knee / a new leaf on your house plant
- when you overhear some juicy drama at a restaurant or bar
- when you reject the things you cannot accept*
- when you reject the things you cannot change*
- when you reject the difference
"haven't you had enough?" I say to myself. If I stop right now, I will gain experience in willpower. Experience points. I might level up, or some call it maturing. Self-control is a emotional muscle that needs to grow and build and get stronger, it is not a rubber band or a tendon that stretches and pulls until it snaps. that would be ridiculous, that would mean that you are not in control. that some things aren't your fault—but everything is.
we’re asking ourselves the age old question of sex. what does it feel like?
Travis and Cosi huddle and whisper secrets, then over the left shoulder to say...
whhhyyyyyy aren't you listening to meeeeeeeeeeee

i ask myself this every day. every night. i shout, before my eyes shut. whhhhhyyyyy arreen't you listening to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
it's not because i don't receive the information, it is because the information is inconvenient.
C: what's that famous quote:

if you go home with someone and they don't have:
- a copy of laurie anderson's big science
- some of those high-heeled feet
- if you don't see any of those baggy pants

don't have sex with them?
i am so hungry. and this is new york. you've gotta dance for your dinner—and let me tell ya. i'm dancing as fast as i can !

i'm dancing as fast as i can !!
in a falsetto, jazzy dancing with a silly NY accent.
I also rationalize work is a conduit for getting the things that I want: enlightenment being the paramount and validation the secondary.
so true bestie! it's like lana del rey said

myself is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to be

but everyone else is taken
Just to piggyback off your earlier comment. I'd like to echo what you said, but a little more spicy. And this is just my opinion: there's only two types of jobs in this world: talking jobs or building jobs. And the funny thing is, when you're an LGBT, or an LGBTQ you already have a full-time job. And that's being gay.
when he said he didn't love me. i felt that right here. well it wasn't that he didn't love me he just didn't want to go on a second date. but now i don't feel heartbroken at all. in fact i can tell you more about what i am not right now than what i am.
i am not heartbroken. i don't feel lost. i am not hungry.
cheers and jubilation.
travis brings in apples, grabs mic
two embrace
it's not that i've forgotten but i just don't always consider how possibility and disappointment often live side by side. in the self. in others. in society. celebrities. have you ever been mad at the weather?
yeah, so I'm really not happy with our relationship, and think I need some space to figure it out.
And maybe I don't think I want us to have a relationship.

Could you give me like a week, just to think? I may need more so don't expect to hear from me soon, but I want to give myself a week to think and really let my thoughts ruminate.

Please, until I reach out, don't text me or call me. Or respond to anything I put online

Just give me some time to think about if i want you in my life or if i don't

And if you can't resist, i'll know you're actually worse than I ever thought you were because you didn't respect my boundaries.

cosi lip syncs
PARKING LOT OF IDEAS and bits and choreo

- want to have sex with me? NO? GO AWAY
- shaking
- somersaults
- online shopping, sims music?
ive been waiting a looooong time for...
this club to let me in. the test results to come back. the subway to come. waiting to to find the right time to tell you how i feel. to really feel that i have moved on. for you to make a move because you are just so hard to read and i am sending you all the signals.
the cosimo sexy dance
hey wanna come over and fuck me the ass and eat my pussy and slurp my cum—stan LOONA and do my dishes? Call my senator and ride me harder than mechanical bull at the county fair.
yeahh nothing like the joy, of biting into a crisp, perfectly tart but sweet apple
i would just like to say that the only thing i like more than having nothing to do is having something to do.
what's the matter? what is it?
changing the unchangeable, or that which takes time. you cannot just change your costume—change it around. be...a taller person a tighter person.

i really think if i fixed all of my personality flaws and fixed the physical things i dislike about myself, then i would have literally nothing to do all day.

i'm personally caught between attempting to just live and enjoy my life to a certain degree of unenviable but pleasurable serenity and devoting it all to a high moral be and making the change i want to see in the world. note that there's all these distractions that are out of my control and distractions from myself i cannot control like constantly thinking my phone is vibrating but it's really just scraping some fabric in my pocket but i can't tell the difference
Yeah, can we actually do like Tuesday?
I can't do Wed.
i really have to wonder, every time i take a pill,
what happens if i take...

more than what i am supposed to?

will it cure my [pause] loss, could i lose a toe, might i never get scurvy again? ? can i turn, into a flintstone?
props needed:
- two apples
- blue tarp
- traffic cone
- two hand mics with stands
- filled up water bottles
- ciggie
- lighter
- plate or vessel for mashmallows
- marshmallows
- cardboard phones things with baby powder
- a clamp light with bulb
the two of us are competing, to see who can care less about our relationship, without it fully falling apart.
i have a birthday soon. it feels like a trap. [If I don't reach out to you, would we ever see each other again?]

i want to talk about how you're doing, but i dont wanna talk to—
but i want to hear from—
being apart can be a really good thing.

So let's see where this goes.

The phenomenon of waking up in the morning, and thinking is this as good as it gets. is it fulfilling me the way that it should.
by merely asking that question, it is its own answer.

if it was giving me LIFE i wouldn't have to ask.

1. cosi puts a cigarette in their mouth
2. travis flicks it out of their mouth so hard (it maybe breaks)
3. cosimo gasps
[here's something my mum doesn't know.] i really am just fucking the text man for texts, eating, breathing, sleeping or staying awake late at night—for texts. i send a text as quickly as I can and hope to receive one just as fast. i am living for texts. exercising for texts. texting for texts. but I'm not talking about all texts. the ones from special someones, i'm so eager, for those texts. texting for texts. waiting for texts.
deep breath, then...
there's this app that makes things, so easy. i mean you can just get exactly what you need so much quicker than you've ever gotten it before. and if you're dissatisfied, if they take too much time, if it isn't just right then you get to call them. you call someone and you can yell as much as you desire. and if there's no phone number, you can write about it. and you can write about how mad you are. how mad it makes you that you don't get to call because how dare they? how dare they take your money? how dare they overpromise and underdeliver and you just have no idea what i'm going through.
ensemble vibrates. sudden stop
travis does it back, walk downstage
smoking is not permitted indoors
1:40 - 1:50
~40 seconds
GAY high five
from 11:11 to 14:25
i bought the most amazing things for myself yesterday. and it came so quickly. not sure from where. not how. but i got it.

i of course have to trust that everything in the production of it was ethical because i can't be spending my time thinking about what's best for all of us, as a planet and as a global ecosystem. as you might recall i'm busy with the gay and the sex and being beautiful.

why am i allowed to buy things that hurt other people?

did peter suffer when he pickled peppers or did petra suffer when she picked the peppers for peter to pickle?
cosi faces upstage in chicago pose
cosimo pushes travis out of the spotlight, T listens at them
travis pushes cosimo out of the spotlight, they listen to T
here's your table, and your waiter will be over shortly.
wait. can you take my order?
grabs arm as leaving
wig off
hey what can i get started for you?
just a plate of marshmallows for me!
so sorry we're actually all out of the marshmallows
OK. What can you get to me, quickly?
The Special.
I'll take it. And I'll go to the restroom so perhaps when I come back, the food will be here, and it'll be as if I never even waited at all.
go piss girl, and take your wig off
i just don't even know what anyone is ever talking about. Like with all these TV shows. And I just don't have time, to read (well I do). The problem is I don't even think I like reading, sitting around watching or listening or attending all feels so reading a textbook...having to memorize why someone wanted to assassinate Otto von Bismarck...anyway...I wanna feel like I'm part of what's going on. How do people know all these movie quotes? When did everyone learn these song lyrics? I go to look things up but what do search for? I'm so out of the loop...and I'm so...dehydrated...
deep breath in. hyperventilate.
here. have a glass of water.
together on the "when you" building up to a shout
Happy Friday, looking forward to finally meeting you!
No, I can't do Tuesday. How about Wednesday.

Are you free tonight?

i don't want to wear sunscreen. putting it on, taking it off. every day until i die

why do I need this, if I feel so fine? why don't i just go FUCK myself
No sorry, how about Thursday?
No I can't do Thursday either...

ya know what... I don't think this schmuck is worth the trouble.

Listen, do you think this is meant to be?
or maybe the phones are little cardboard boxes filled with flour or something so as they're tapped it sprinkles

So I'd just like to say....
wahh wahh, boo hoo. i can't get what i want x4
[too the audience] all together!
wahh wahh, boo hoo. i can't get what i want x3

why ouchie. how did that get up there? all the way up there. wow. i'm so proud of my self. i did that. all by myself. just me!
their deep laugh turns to a sob
cosi turns around waterfall arms
as if exchanging voice memos
let me tell you 'bout the worms in my brain
tell me tell you 'bout how they go in-saaane.

the worms want content expediently
the worms take sustenance from me
whatever they want they will contrive
'cause even as i rot these worms with thrive
stop everything you're doing i have something extremely important i need to say
tell me something your mum doesn't know
to the audience, or just one person
1 - cry
2 - cry
3 - arms out turn
4 - arms out turn
5 - arms up
6 - cross
7 - kick back
8 - kick forward
assorted rediculous choreo, incl. running around in circles with arms down, hands at 90 degree angles
I don't think so
ok...enjoy what remains of your life
fuck your marshmallows!
KNOCK OVER THE PLATE, mass consume/stuff in shirt the shmellows
Cosi drags on a traffic cone & sits on it
travis goes away, cosi stays in the pose
bing bong
bing bong
bing bong
travis walks backwards upstage
SQ 5 - play at "I need some space to figure it out"
anyway, thank you all for coming out tonight...
up next we're going to do steve reich's clapping music
but on butts
That's the stupidest thing I've ever we have any snacks?
how about this: you could have one marshmallow right now, or cosimo if you can wait until the end of the performance you can have two marshmallows, and the whole audience
can also have one marshmallow each. but only if you wait.
Couldn't have said it better myself!

That's right folks, when you just think of work as problem-solving, then you never bing-bong a day in your life!

go back to the mics and hope someone answers
they sit down, cosi rolls around
SQ 6 - play cue at scream
closed mouth scream
lights down. travis turns on clamp light
at end, take bows. travis grabs some water
cosi jams upstage
travis finds the phone prop and sends some texts.
lighting cues
actions for performers
sound cues
travis things to say

cosi things to say
travis+cosi things to say
a big ol' sigh
funny voices are indicated with changed fonts, bolds and/&or italics
there are so many things i've wanted in my life and then seconds after i had them i was just like, meh. like when i fermented my own pickles.
all the memories of longing were totally forgotten. the appetite, completely gone. maybe I just enjoy anticipation... i know love stability AND i love surprises—ay there's the rub:

like you don't know until later what was a life-changing moment. 'cause usually at the time it's just stressful.
travis NPC-walks in place against the wall
mics again
<— dancing to the vibe of these Ann-Margret gifs —>
Back to mics
SQ 3 - upon this ☝🏼
Back to mics
SQ 4 - 7th wah wah - (4 to each other, 3 to audience, then interrupt)
lighting changes, more mysterious when the music stops
let's dance!
wait a minute, i'm over it. I'm not going to wait around for closure, I'm going to make my own closure!

cosi runs up to travis who embraces them
looks like a prom <3
tight (like my hole) spotlights
amber lights. travis turns off clamp
light shift, intimate
slow fade
This is a script for a performance, created in collaboration with Cosimo Pori—from a title/premise suggestion by Udo Akemann.

It premiered as a 20 minute performance as a part of the Brick Theater's ?! New Works Festival on the 23rd of September 2021.

It was subsequently performed and livestreamed on 17 October 2021.

The texts and bits that are explicit references are hyperlinked so you can click and get the context.
A more typical (well really more Chuck Mee-esq) version of this script was created for running sound/lighting cues. Click here to read.